Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
