he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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