You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
