Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
