it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize