Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
