Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
