Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
