Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
