I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
