I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
