She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
