So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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