im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
