Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
