Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
