how can u be prego again
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so let's talk penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
