Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
