Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
