okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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