Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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