If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
