My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's never too late to be topless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
