My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
