I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
