Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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