U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
