Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
