fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
