Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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