im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
