So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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