I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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