Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
