No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
