The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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