Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
