East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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