dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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