I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
