Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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