u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
