2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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