"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
