i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
