Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
