If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
