I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
