ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
