happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
