i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need a beard to bite.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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