I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
