i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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