Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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