Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
