my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
