I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
