ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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