guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this beer tastes like vomit already
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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