How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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