i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My liver just had a heart attack.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
