I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
