An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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