my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
