I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
