dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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