I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
