The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
