So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
