Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
