grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
