Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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